Parenting-+Different+aspects+in+Pride+&+Prejudice

By Annie Newman
 * __ Family Dynamics in Jane Austen's- //Pride & Prejudice// __**

Jane Austen is credited with painting "small cameos" of families in her novels. Yet within these cameos, it becomes clear that Austen had a clear understanding of family dynamics as we consider them today. The relationships between parents and the children, the way in which parents raise their children--in Austen's case, the daughters--generally has a major influence on the marriage choices that these daughters make.

In the widespread view of parenting styles in psychology created by Diana Beaurind in the 1970's, parents could be classified in one of four ways: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive-indulgent, and permissive-indifferent. Austen's novels show parents whose parenting techniques often varied depending on the child. Therefore, some parents may act one way with the heroine of the novel and another way with the other children in the family.

__ Authoritarian parents __

Authoritarian parents make decisions unilaterally. They place extreme limits on their children's behavior and rarely allow the child to assist in deciding what should be controlled. Children of authoritarian parents tend to have anxiety problems, are socially incompetent, and have poor communication skills.

__ Authoritative parents __

Authoritative parents are nurturers. They allow their children to assist in setting limits and controls on their behavior, and there is much give-and-take within their relationship. Authoritative parents truly love their children. As a consequence, the children of authoritative parents tend to be happier, socially and emotionally well-adjusted, and are more socially responsible and competent.

The last of Austen's authoritative parents, Pride and Prejudice's Mr. Bennet, might seem an unusual choice. Critics have labeled him as unfeeling and generally uncaring about his family. With his four other daughters, Mr. Bennet is a permissive-indifferent parent. His relationship with his daughter Elizabeth is based on respect and love.

With Elizabeth, Mr. Bennet is a concerned, loving parent--even though he jokes with his wife in the beginning that she has only a little more quickness than her sisters. He does not single out any of the others in that first scene, and the only attention he gives his youngest three daughters is to lump them in one category as the silliest girls in England. Jane is a sensible daughter, just like Elizabeth, but she does not have a realistic view of the world. Elizabeth is the child Mr. Bennet shares his amusement with, and he wants only the best for her.

There are two specific examples of Mr. Bennet's concern for Elizabeth's welfare. The first is following Mr. Collins' proposal. Mrs. Bennet insists on Elizabeth's marrying the man and tries to get her husband to talk some sense into her. Mr. Bennet, when presented with the dilemma, calmly says, "An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must become a stranger to one of your parents--your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do" (Pride and Prejudice 98). Mr. Bennet has long realized that his cousin is a fool and that Elizabeth would never be happy with him; therefore, Mr. Bennet will not comply with his wife's wishes despite the financial security such an arrangement would bring for his favorite daughter and the rest of his family.

The other example is following Mr. Darcy's last proposal. Mr. Bennet believes that Elizabeth has hated Darcy from their first meeting, but Mr. Bennet has been unaware of her change of heart. When Darcy asks for permission to marry Elizabeth, Mr. Bennet fears that she is making a grave mistake and marrying for something less than love. In urging her to be sure of her choice, he reveals a side of himself that he has shown only through contempt--his deep dissatisfaction with the woman he married. Once Elizabeth has been able to convince him that she loves Darcy, Mr. Bennet is able to consent more easily than before, saying, "I could not have parted with you, my Lizzy, to someone less worthy" (317). Mr. Bennet frequently indicates that he cares for and guides Elizabeth, and that there is a warm, loving side to him which he does reveal to at least one member of his family.

__ Permissive-indulgent parents __

Permissive-indulgent parents are highly involved with their children, but they place few demands or controls on them. Children of these parents are very spoiled and immature; they do not learn respect for others and have difficulty controlling their behavior.

__ Permissive-indifferent parents __

Permissive-indifferent parents are very uninvolved in their children's lives. This can come about for a variety of reasons, but the effects on the children are generally the same. The children lack self-control, are socially incompetent, and do not handle independence well. In some ways, they cause more problems than any of the other types of parents because there is usually a lack of love for the children, and thus the children do not learn how to love.

Most of the parents in Austen's novels are either completely permissive-indifferent or are so in varying degrees. Mr. Bennet is indifferent to the rest of his children and lives in his library, leaving them to their mother's care and their own devices. Except for his dealings with his favorite daughter, Elizabeth, Mr. Bennet only exposes himself as a parent during the unpleasant business of Lydia's elopement. His feelings of inadequacy as a parent following that event disappear as rapidly as he predicts they will, indicating that he knows what is wrong with him but really does not care enough to change.

In //Pride and Prejudice//, Mrs. Bennet is indifferent to her children in varying degrees, and only indulgent to Lydia. Most importantly, she is most indifferent to Elizabeth, her least favorite child probably because Elizabeth is her father's favorite.

Mrs. Bennet's life is dominated by two things: the entail which will pass Longbourn on to a distant cousin following her husband's death and getting her daughters married before that event occurs. The two are entwined, of course, but finding husbands for her daughters would be her duty even if there were not an entail. It is the business of her life to get her daughters married. Since there is an entail, she must marry her daughters off before Mr. Bennet dies or the family will be in major trouble.

Mrs. Bennet is described as a woman of little wit, mean understanding, and little thought beyond her own situation. These are things which would prevent her from attaining her goal, since she never gives her vulgar public behavior a second thought, especially at the Netherfield ball when she can be overheard by Mr. Darcy. Her embarrassing behavior continually lessens her daughters' chances for marrying well.

Mrs. Bennet's relationship with Elizabeth is extremely strained because she is different from her other daughters. Elizabeth is all her mother is not--bright, lively, intelligent, and socially competent. Elizabeth sees her mother for who she really is: a foolish, hypochondrial woman, and Elizabeth loses respect for her as a parent and a person.

Mrs. Bennet has one primary concern, and that is for herself. The marrying of her daughters, seen in this light, has a more ulterior motive. If one or more of her daughters marries well, Mrs. Bennet will have a comfortable place to live after Mr. Bennet's death. Also, if she can marry her daughters off well, she will be seen as a successful mother. Since Jane is the oldest, the family's hopes are dependent on her marrying well and then "throwing the girls into the paths of other rich men" (Pride and Prejudice 95). To her mother, Elizabeth will never have her sister's beauty or disposition, and after refusing Mr. Collins, Mrs. Bennet refuses to speak to her. As far as Mrs. Bennet is concerned, Elizabeth threw away her best chance of marrying decently and will not find a better match.

Mrs. Bennet's attitude toward Elizabeth remains fairly constant until the end of the novel. Even in the first chapter, when Mr. Bennet is teasing her about merely writing to Mr. Bingley instead of visiting and putting in a good word for Elizabeth, Mrs. Bennet sees no cause to put Elizabeth forward. Although she is sufficiently indignant about the insult Mr. Darcy pays Elizabeth at the Meryton assembly ball in refusing to dance with her, it is more a blow to her familial pride than to her pride in Elizabeth. All of this combines to make Mrs. Bennet's reaction to Elizabeth's impending marriage to Mr. Darcy even more foolish, as Elizabeth suddenly becomes her mother's favorite child after spending much of her life as her least favorite.

__ The heroines __

Given the range of parenting styles, the heroines in Jane Austen's novels mature differently under their parents' tutelage. Some, obviously, mature faster and earlier than others for a variety of reasons.

Elizabeth Bennet is the daughter of a permissive-indifferent mother and an authoritative father; however, her father's influence blocks her mother's ignorance. Elizabeth is her father's daughter--she sees amusement in life, delights in fools and stupidity, and feels, in some ways rightly, that she is superior to the rest of her family (except her father and Jane).

Elizabeth, however, cannot escape her family, try as she might. Her mother will still plague her at social gatherings by being loud and vulgar. Lydia will still be flirtatious, outrageous, and silly, with Kitty tagging along. Mary will still exhibit her "accomplishments" with embarrassing results. Every so often, even her father will embarrass her. Elizabeth loves her father, but she is not blind to his faults.

The most important thing Elizabeth learns from her parents is a desire not to have a marriage like theirs. Elizabeth wants to marry someone who loves, respects, and accepts her, and while Mr. Darcy may not seem like the best man for her, his education at her hands through her scathing rejection of his proposal changes him so he can accept everything about her. At the same time, he influences and in some ways changes her. Elizabeth takes great pride in her first impressions of people. When Mr. Darcy reveals that her first impressions of Wickham and himself are incorrect, she begins to question whether she has acted rationally in her relationships to both men.

Jane Austen's heroines have different backgrounds, with a full range of parents. Yet all of them set out to accomplish and succeed at gaining what, in Austen's day, was considered the main purpose for young women. They all marry, and for the most part, they marry well. Most importantly, they marry for love. Mr. Bennet wants Elizabeth to marry for love and encourages her to do so even though his wife just wants her married. The parents that these young women have play a major role in the choices that they make when they marry. The men the heroines marry see their future wives for all of the attributes these women acquire from their parents and, in some cases, from the men they love.